Living Beyond Our Means

May 4, 2016

Alison Says:

On the radio this week I heard economists say we don’t save money and the credit card companies started that trend in the 1980’s. Who am I to disagree, but I really think are hiding something in or behind our big houses. Not sure from what we are hiding, but I do know that we value size. The size of our houses and our property do matter greatly to us. Here in the Mid-Atlantic it seems that the bigger the house, the better you are as an American. “My house is huge, I am successful” is the mantra. The family with one child and six bathrooms is very good. We don’t have royalty in this country, but we have space so let’s take all that we can. I rented a house from an Eritrean professor once and he asked me about our obsession with yards. It took me the longest time to understand that he was talking about the green space we treasure between our house and our neighbor’s house. Seemed kind of much to call it an obsession until I had my own house and watched how much time I spent cultivating that space.

The economists I listened to on the radio say the early 21^st century housing bubble also caused this. I really don’t know the answer, but I do know that I sold the house in which I raised my kids in part because I needed cash and I had taken out all the home equity loans I could. I lived higher than a single mom needed too or should have. I felt that I deserved it. I was a teacher in a small house in an expensive metropolitan area and I kept up with my neighbors rather nicely simply by borrowing off the equity of my little house. It was the housing bubble that increased the worth of my house far beyond what it was worth. I didn’t mind at the time, but now I am priced out of that neighborhood.

A few windfalls deepened my pockets after I moved out and I loved the way it felt to walk into a store and buy what I wanted. I wasn’t an idiot. I usually shopped the clearance rack, but I loved not having to wait till payday to do it. It is such a great feeling to have a thought about a want and buy it right then. My skills of stretching a dollar were well honed and I fooled myself into believing that I wasn’t wasting money. Well, sometimes I knew I was. But it made me feel more alive and more a part of my world. Costco, Whole Foods, Ulta (cheaper than Sephora, smart consumer), Bloomingdales, and most the beloved Nordstrom’s shoe department gave me things that I felt helped me fit in.

A few of my friends showed me the raw source of this. They taught me that as immigrants they study closely what the natives wear and then dress, do and behave just like them. Shop their stores. Wear their styles. Generations later Americans are still doing it. It helps us to not stand out. No one will know we are from somewhere else. My connection was not about being from somewhere else, it was from being from somewhere less. We want so badly to belong to the game. Please think not less of us.

Eventually my kids left for college and I sold the house rather than admit I didn’t belong. I paid off my loans and my ex and financed some stuff for my kids. I paid for acting school and headshots and wardrobes and I bought some expensive shoes. Then I hunkered down and looked for my next life. Funny thing was I found someone who wasn’t willing to play this game. Damn, because it was a fun game. A game which allowed me to not pay attention to the truth. Buying things to make me belong wasn’t working.

So I moved on to this truth teller’s boat to save money so I could buy a house. And instead of that, I am finding that I have a serious habit of hiding my working class ways by buying the things I think you will think are important. I still love my Apple products and my cashmere sweater from Bloomie’s. I love them a lot because it reminds me of the days I pretended I belonged. But I am worn out from the game. I grew up with less money than my neighbors and tried desperately to hide that from them. Not sure how good I was growing up, but I actually fooled some folks when I was an adult and loved that feeling!

So for today, aside from buying too many books, I will try my best to consume only things that are needed, mostly food and comfortable shoes. And then maybe I can make do with what I already have. Consuming less is good for me and beats the mind games I like to play. It’s also good for our earth and she needs some help right now.

Postscript: If my Adam son is reading this, there is a student loan that was all a part of this madness and needs to be attended to. Seems as good a time as any to get started on that. No more hiding, right?